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| The ride of a Life Time (Impact part 2) |
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| Stories > Personal |
| Written by Sherry Schaefer |
| Tuesday, 10 March 2009 16:04 |
| I just wanted to rest, why can’t people leave me be? Voices. I was hearing voices, a group of frantic people. They talked about how windy it was and what horrible working conditions they were forced to deal with. They all seemed to be talking over each other. The man went on to say he would do his best to avoid that. Avoid what? What happened? Wake up! Think! What happened? Yes, I remember now. Earlier today I had woken up and couldn’t remember what had happened. It’s the same problem, the one I told myself to think about later. It’s here now and demanding my attention. I briefly open my eyes to see several EMT’s busily working on me. Many questions and replies go between the group. I was shaking off the sleep and becoming more alert, I asked the EMT closest to me “what happened?” He then told me I had been in an accident. The group seemed geared toward getting me out as quickly as possible. If this team is in such a hurry, it must be as bad as I can imagine. What I found most odd was that I could feel touch and texture, and yet felt no pain. My mind was alert and I knew what was happening, but still I didn‘t know what happened. Sit tight and listen, maybe you’ll hear something that will give you a clue. Stay calm, be still and let them do their job. I knew I had been hurt badly. Not remembering the accident wasn’t the disturbing part, the most confusing part was that I had no memory. I understood that I was in shock and that I could expect to have blocked out the memory of the collision, what I couldn’t come to terms with was why I had no memory of any activities of that day. Where was I going when this happened, and what had I planned for the day? As hard as I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with any ideas. I forced myself to stay calm. I reasoned that if I couldn’t remember today, then maybe if I think about yesterday or tomorrow it would give me a clue. Nothing came to mind. I could feel the panic setting in. My memory was fuzzy. I understood that I had children, a job and a life, but the details of my life completely escaped me. In other words, I knew I had children, I just didn’t know how many or even their names. I knew the name of the company I worked for, but I couldn’t remember what position I held. I knew I had a home near by, but I couldn’t remember where it was. I knew I had a phone, but I couldn’t recall the number. I accepted the fact I wasn’t going to get any answers to my questions. I quickly dismissed that and went to the next issue. How badly was I hurt? I understood that if I had no memory, perhaps I had a head injury. I could hear and my vision was still good. I knew my arms and legs worked, and I was almost certain that I would be in recovery for a while. I was just unsure as to how long that would be. I made a conscious decision to remain as quiet and still as possible. In my mind I told myself that the best chance of survival was to remain calm. Forcing my panic away, I told myself to relax and save it for another time. Think about it later, there isn’t anything you can do. Put it in the back of your mind, it will still be there. Rest and let the medical team do their job, because it is the only chance of survival. I could feel myself settle in to accepting this. A calm relaxed state filled my mind. Resting had once again become my main focus. It felt so good to give up the worry and take a break. I laid and listened to them. As the medical team worked, the coordination of all parts played out in front of me. The trauma hospital is notified and the Life Flight Helicopter is called in. I think to myself all is well, give the problem away for a while and rest. I relaxed and settled in for the wait. Relax. Take a break and deal with it later. Rest and enjoy the calm. I heard the strong wind passing through the dry desert grass, and felt the warm sun shining on my face. In my mind all is good. I settled into a long deserved nap and worried of nothing. Clear and focused, I listened to them talk in the background. “I thought you said she was stabilized!“ The conversation was chaotic, arguing among themselves about time frames, stabilizing, procedures and field conditions and the odds. The volume faded, and I am glad they have taken the drama elsewhere. Leave me be and let me rest. For now all is good, everything is calm, content and complete. White noise. I can hear all of what is said around me. I understand that I am the main focus of it all. None of that mattered. No panic or concern at all. Nothing was important. I could hear the Life Flight helicopter landing nearby. Instantly the wind strengthens. Instead of being on the ground, I felt like I too was flying, but I knew I never left the ground. Thrilled and amazed, this experience will never leave me. The ride of a lifetime. Someday I hope to find the correct words to describe it, for now I smile with knowledge of knowing. I didn’t get to finish the ride. I was removed before it ended. The sensation of being placed back to the ground, was direct, swift and factual. Done. Once grounded, my focus quickly changed. As my eyes adjusted to the bright daylight. I could see several medical workers actively working about me. I asked the closest one “What happened” He looked at me and informed me that I had been in an accident. Stay calm, think. Think hard. You have been here before. It’s the same problem. The problem you placed in the back, remember it’s still here. Suddenly the situation was up front and center. The reality of it all floods back. The accident. I listened as the flight team members approached closer. Conversations grew louder, as they exchanged information with each other. The flight teams were upset that I wasn’t ready to go at that moment. What? Why not? Why am I not ready? What else am I waiting for? As I lay strapped to a board, both medical teams waited with me. I wondered what we were all waiting for. No one seemed to be talking much. No urgency, no instructions given or questions answered. The mood seemed tense and strained. A flight crew member leaned down and said to me “You haven’t been stabilized very long, we don’t want to get you in the air and have problems.” When the required time had passed, the flight crew gathered things up and loaded me in. I remember watching the crew as the helicopter took off. I thought to myself, it’s okay now, your on your way. In my mind I will put it all in the back, think of it later on, no worries, time to sleep. Give me alone time. Over and over I tried to convince myself of this, but the look of the faces of the flight crew told me a to expect another chapter. |
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