Being Whole

The line between loving someone and insanity are dangerously close. Those that have tasted love can nod their heads as they watch “the one” walk into the bar. The companionship of another human is paramount in our existence on this planet. Love is the greatest emotion one can experience and simultaneously the most deadly.

The alcoholic will regain consciousness, this time going on the wagon for keeps, and will invariably search out the next great fix; a new somebody. This person will come into being as if by magic lending to the already worn theory of fate. The Hollywood romance runs its course for close to a month when reality hits our friend square in the face. The sad truth is our prospect will likely pick back up the drug of choice to stuff the feelings of inadequacy, doubt, jealousy and fear. We see him in the gutter counting the sorrows on one hand and bumming change in the other.

This is a sad fact but not only for the alcoholic but countless others who struggle in the realm of relationships, love and sex. The feelings associated with this gigantic word push the existence of anything else out of the mind. We become love-tunneled in our vision of the great world. The song, “When a Man Loves a Woman”, gives us the line; “If she is bad he can’t see it. Cut his best friend if he put her down.”

That is amazingly similar to insanity; hence the phrase all is fair in love and war.

Religion will give the answer that many of us desperately seek; find a girl or guy in your nearby church. That is the general idea because if they are in the church then God must have had a hand in picking the next whirlwind love affair. Remember if you see her and have already picked the kitchen curtains; run. True love doesn’t exist in the fairytale, nor does it come from two pews down. Love is merely a word that describes an emotion. If true love is what you seek; get a dog.

Animals teach many things to their human pets; one of them being love. A hard day’s work finds you greeted at the door with excitement. Sloppy kisses and sniffing every part of your attire, for the days whereabouts. Waiting for the dinner to be put down, the dog jumps up and down asking why isn’t it ready yet. Comfortable on the couch with the remote, here he comes to settle in with the reassuring lean of trust. That is the closest to love as explained by modern society, that one can get.

The basic need for human contact exists, for some of the world a desire to procreate jumpstarts the process for finding the human mate. The crazy dance around the hip hop/country western bar leaves us with the feeling of emptiness as yet another night washed away remnants of the “love.” Sex is only a tool used to gain closeness when its purpose is the epitome of a fulfilling relationship. That slow ache in the pit of one’s stomach, knowing they were too drunk to have a real conversation. If one did bring home someone, what or who they are still remains on the list of unsolved mysteries.

The measure of a good relationship comes in the moments spent before the ultimate game of leap frog can be played. The invites to dinner, conversing over coffee, and meeting friends not as a couple but as a friend. Doing activities that require spending time together and not in each other. The Buddhist define relationships as three circles. The first circle is whole, solid in its appearance and carries it own depth and weight. This represents the first person complete on their own. The second circle is also whole, carrying its own purpose and weight. This is the representation of the second person. They both walk a path that is unobtrusive to the environment around them. When the two circles come together they create the third sphere. It is smaller than the first two. The shape is completed by the first and second circle. If the two original circles should separate they retain their original shape. This is the epitome of real love. Two wholes sharing space, complete and individual making the conscious choice to create the third. All are apart of and separate in the same moment.

This is the effortless grace of love without the insanity. To attain such a moment would require discipline and sacrifice in getting to know yourself. This is the reality of true love, admittedly most will not endeavor to take this road, least of all our alcoholic friend. There is one tool I hold onto in times such as these, hope. I make no promises nor do I give the end all list to gaining the soul mate of your dreams. Honesty is the best policy but cash register honesty doesn’t compare to the nuts and bolts of who you are. Hope is my last pillar of strength and it holds me buoyant above the sea of fantasy living.

Trudging the happy road of destiny brings it’s own rewards. I choose to place my faith in the hands of one who knows all and one day hope that real love finds herself walking next to my circle of completeness.