Parenting Difficult Young Men

by SPIRETTE DOTTER

I know how frustrating raising sons can be. As a single parent, I went through difficult issues with all SIX of my boys in their teen years, and even some rough times in their young adulthood. I had four teenage boys all at once, before I knew what hit me. Sometimes it does help just to have a place to rant and rave. But I am also very proud of my boys, and they have never ceased to be a source of my joy.

Even in the face of stressful times with our children, we should always find and acknowledge things about them individually, that we can be proud of. Recognizing their strengths and expressing our appreciation to them will help them to feel aligned with us, and encourage them to live up to their potential. It also helps us to access our love and attachment to them, even when their behavior may not immediately invoke our positive feelings. Continue searching for additional attributes and good choices that you can truly be proud of, even when their poor choices are glaring out in front of you. Becoming skilled in this practice may not come naturally, and will take conscientious work, but it can save relationships from much heartache and get us through the troubled times until it feels easier.

Remember, our teens are trying to become emotionally independent, enter into the work force, become physically self-sufficient, and find their place in a crazy world. That feat is actually quite impressive when we consider that they are leaving the convenient warmth, sheltering, and comfort of a family who has always cared for their basic needs throughout their childhood lifetime. Additionally, we should consider the state of the world they are entering, and all the pressures from every angle. These young men can always benefit from praise and encouragement. And when we try to access, feel, and express positive appreciation even in the face of catastrophe (sometimes just grasping for anything positive to say) and reaffirm our unconditional love EVERY chance we get, it will create a stronger bond, and leave an open pathway for a wayward child to return home at some point, even if not immediately. It also helps US to move forward in our lives and maintain an upbeat and happier state. No matter what the age of our children, when we practice the art of finding the positive we can model an uplifting example and influence on them, while also helping ourselves survive the hardships.