Fathers Know Best

By Emmy Lambert

Journalist Jim Bishop once said, “Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”

That sentiment still holds true among conscientious fathers today because, let’s face it, well into the 21^st century the divide between the thought processes of teenage boys and girls remains a chasm wider than the eye can see.

So what valuable insights did dads learn during their stints as teenage boys that they can pass on to their daughters? What pearls of wisdom can they impart as men to make that uphill trek through female pubescence a little less rocky?

Dan T. Hall, independent filmmaker and father to a 16-year-old girl, says in his educational documentary What Dads Say About Boys that the key “when you enter into any relationship is that you keep your power. You don’t let anyone step into that realm of who you are or make you make choices that you don’t want to make.”

Father and reverend Richard Winters offers this advice to his and other teenage girls: “The boys you choose to be involved with should reflect your own values.” He adds that “a good relationship is generative; it goes beyond itself,” meaning a relationship based on mutual respect and solid friendship is bigger than “this is about me.”

Police officer Steve Steletovich takes a slightly grittier approach to advising his teenage daughter. Seeing firsthand the number of teenage suicides attributed to dysfunctional teenage relationships, Steletovich believes in giving his daughter a dose of reality. “[Young] love is a wonderful thing, but it’s not always forever.” Of crucial importance, he says, is that our nation’s girls know, “You are absolutely in charge of your body, your life and your future.”

One thing is certain: Healthy relationships begin with a healthy self image, and low self-esteem can be a huge stumbling block on the road to adulthood. Feelings of inadequacy and desire for acceptance often lead girls to think What do I have to do to make this boy like me?

But teenage girls should never feel the need to ask that question in conjunction with their daddies. And open and honest communication between fathers and daughters can ensure that girls blossom into young women who feel loved, empowered and ready to take on the world.

What else can fathers do to ensure well-adjusted, happy teenage girls? Be good role models to their teenage sons.

Hall jokingly ends his What Dads Say documentary with this disclaimer: “No boys were harmed in the making of this video.” But the truth is when we disregard our young men and leave them to their own devices, they often miss out on critical lessons about respecting women and themselves. And that does harm.

The single best thing a father can do is be present in his children’s lives and foster open communication and trust. Teenage girls (and boys) who pattern themselves after nurturing parents are far more likely to weather the inevitable teenage storms of heartbreak and disappointment with resilience and determination. And with that, the great divide lessens just a tad.