The subject of how and when to discipline your children has caused many arguments between couples, especially if this subject was not discussed before the couple started their family.

First and foremost, be consistent. Before having children, you and your spouse should sit down and discuss how you are going to approach the discipline your children. Both of you have to be in agreement on how and when to discipline or the children will see the division and inconsistency, and master the ability to play the two of you against one another.

In our family, my husband and I are both "list" people. We have chore lists, consequences lists, etc... But, while my husband is strict and very consistent, I am lenient and inconsistent, and that can cause a number of problems. Inconsistency can cause confusion and frustration in the children. It can also lead to a lack of respect toward the inconsistent parent. The children may be less likely to obey the inconsistent parent if they know that the inconsistent parent probably won't follow through with the discipline measures. But, it can also lead to a lack of respect toward the consistent parent because the children know that they can't get away with as much with the consistent parent versus the inconsistent parent.

Do you and your spouse believe in spanking or using time-outs, or do you take away their privileges as discipline measures? You and your spouse have to come up with age appropriate discipline measures as well as discipline measures that match the "crime". But, you have to be sure that the two of you come to an agreement on what discipline measures to use.

Regardless of how you choose to discipline, the next question would be when to discipline. Some parents discipline as soon as their child misbehaves. Other parents take some time to decide on an appropriate punishment or consequence. Some parents publicly discipline regardless of where they are or who is watching. Other parents choose to discipline in private to avoid causing a scene or further humiliating their child or themselves. Most experts would advise you to discipline in private. The goal of discipline is to train your children, not crush or humiliate them.

Have you talked about who will be in charge of the discipline measures? In some families, the father is in charge of disciplining the children and the mother's role is to support the father. In some families, the mother is in charge of disciplining the children and the father's role is to support the mother. And, in some families, the mother and father equally share the role of disciplining the children and act as support for each other. With regards to discipline, you and your spouse have to stand united as one and be consistent in order to keep a peaceful and disciplined home atmosphere. If you can't manage to maintain consistency and unity then you are going to find that your home is nothing less than constant chaos.

Do yourselves and your children a favor and sit down and discuss discipline before starting your family.