By Vintage Valentine Vignettes

I am a full-time closet musician, typically relegating my performances to singing in the shower or jamming along with the radio dial using my bass. Then there are the days I grab a set of drum sticks and begin smacking away at couch cushions (I had no idea pillows could makes such different sets of sounds!) or my desktop. Sure there are days when poetry come spilling out, but never at a dependable or reliable rate and translating it into a set of lyrics is nearly impossible for me to do unless I have a keyboard or guitar near by.

It has been through my experiences as a part-time musician in the public eye that I learned many layers of musician etiquette I never could have acquired toying with the musician video games or playing along with the radio. Here are a few of the basics:

1. It actually doesn't matter if there is beer in the glass you have with you, its all about liquids and possible broken glass. Be extremely careful where you place any glass. Do not put it on top of any speakers, amps or other equipment and if you place it on the floor, make sure no one can trip over it and that its not near any electrical wires or equipment.

2. Glasses are frequently left on the stage for the rest of the evening, along with anything else you might have left behind. Don't interrupt a song to retrieve what you left behind, even if you are in some one's basement or garage and remember to take your glass with you when you leave a stage.

3. Chuckle all you want, but inhaling the scent of the microphone is no laughing matter. Beer, whiskey or onion breath is rough enough to bear, but when the scent radiates from the microphone you are supposed to use, it becomes difficult to focus on your performance. The message here is not for you to pop a breath mint before singing, although that's not a bad idea. The simple solution is to make sure your lips do not come in contact with the microphone. An added bonus to this habit is avoiding a possible shock if everything isn't wired up right.

4. Unless you have prior permission, don't swing the microphone by the cable.

5. Remember to share the spotlight with others you are sharing a stage with when appropriate. A live performance is not like the video games in which one musician is competing against another (unless its some type of contest, of course). There's enough room for everyone to shine and if you are constantly upstaging, ignoring or degrading the other participants, you won't be invited to sit in again.

6. Don't use the microphone to tell inside jokes only a few will understand or to insult someone, especially the host unless you're at a comedy club and even then its still a judgment call.

7. Make sure you thank the DJ or the other musicians for sharing the stage with them.

8. Serious damage to a guitar or bass can happen if you are wearing a belt buckle and/or bracelets. Belt buckles can scrape the back of the body of the instrument and bracelets can wreck havoc to the front of the body. So if you are borrowing someone else's instrument, consider taking your belt off entirely, even if you will be playing sitting down.

If this is not possible, at least re-thread it so the belt buckle is off to the opposite side of where the body of the instrument sits (typically, the belt buckle would be on your left hip) or borrow a clean towel from the bartender and wrap it around the buckle. Same goes for bracelets. If there is a chance of them scraping up the instrument, switch arms or take them off entirely.