I was able to catch the first couple of minutes of tonight's Celebrity Apprentice without losing too much self-respect before I had to change the channel.  (As a side note, I enjoyed the original apprentice, but Rod Blagojevich's pathetic attempt as a budding TV personality completely turned me off.)  The first and only thing I noticed was that thing on the TV that looked like a rehabilitated version of Aileen Wournos. What the hell is going on with his hair??  It has somehow changed hue to a brighter blonde (as have his eyebrows) and there is an added sheen to boost the sleazy strip club owner factor.

It looks like it is made out of the wispy whiskers of a Hanson boy hitting puberty that could be fair trade certified.  Perhaps Donald Trump is trying to pass off his hairpiece as a fashion inspired by recovering chemotherapy patients.   His hair looks like it can't decide which direction to grow, and what texture to maintain.  The obvious comb-down betrays any sense of naturalness, and it makes me wonder how, with his 2-point-something billion dollar fortune, he has not been able to pencil in an appointment with a hair stylist or expert that can draw the eye away from that thing towards something more flattering, like his wallet.

His hair gives me the sense that there is something that Donald Trump knows that he is not telling us.  Some sort of enlightenment he possesses that he won't share.  Perhaps the reason I'm writing this article on SayItAloud, in a feeble attempt to pay back the coffee I bought to stay awake to write this (an all too familiar catch-22), is the same reason I get compliments for my locks.  Maybe the attractiveness of your mane is inversely proportional to your success in life.  Maybe that is why the most successful people in history had some of the worst hair.  Thomas Edison?  Balding flat top.  Bill Gates?  Weird side part with emo-ish potential.  Warren Buffett?  Huge forehead attributable to an extremely receding hairline.  The founding fathers?  Let's not even go there.  Maybe our hair is the key to our success and Donald Trump has more to offer us than we could have ever guessed...