When my wife said she wanted to get another dog I thought it was a neat idea. After all we’d had Larkspur, Lark for short. Lark was one of the sweetest dogs I had ever known and she was a full-sized female Australian Shepherd. Lark had passed away a year or two earlier. As we discussed the thought of getting another dog we discussed all of Lark’s qualities: sweet, adventuresome, great with people and small animals, quiet and loved to please her owners. The only thing we thought we could improve on was her size. She was a medium-sized dog but she couldn’t fit through our pet door which goes out onto the patio.

We like our pet door and we like to give our animals the freedom to go outside, do their duty, and get some fresh air when we’re not home. After our discussion, Diana, my wife, came up with a brilliant idea: “Why don’t we get a miniature dog?” I said: “This is great, this is good, this is really great! We can have all of Lark’s qualities but in a smaller package!” Done deal, we’re doing it, we’ve suffered long enough without Lark, we’re going to get a new dog! Yahoo!

Diana began combing the websites and ads. Days and weeks passed then finally she announced: “I think I’ve found something. Here’s someone in Prescott that has puppies – look!” “Well there they are. Look at those buggers! Look how cute they are!” Yes they were cute alright. “Look at those Merle colorings!” “Aw look at that white, brown and grey Merle with the blue eyes!” “It’s a male. Is that okay?” “Sure, well, I think so. A male is fine. Man look at him, incredible! We’re going – now!”

Well the Big Day finally arrived. The only problem was it was also Craig’s birthday. Craig is Diana’s teenage son. Craig didn’t think too highly of the possibility that a dog might detract from the fact that it was his birthday, so we had to console him: “We’ll still do fun stuff when we get home! Come on, let’s go to Prescott. Remember you wanted a dog too!” Craig said: “Okay, I’m going. Just remember that whatever dog we’re getting, its got to be a male and we’re going to name him Farley.”

The drive was nice; it was a pretty spring day. The hills were rolling in green grass. We headed into the outskirts of Prescott where the countryside is dotted with farms and homes; some nestled in valleys, others sitting on top of the hills. We were lost as usual, but of course I’m the Man, the Navigator, the one who will lay down his life if necessary to protect the family. I wasn’t having any problems figuring out where we were. “I think it’s this road – OR – wait a minute – quiet! – no – now – what’s that up there? Is that a tan house way up there? Whoa – lookout – there’s a guy passing me – thanks for the dust buddy - I told you to go to the bathroom at the gas station darn it! - okay – wait a minute – wait a minute – yes – it must be THAT place!”

Up and up we go! “Oh what a nice day, isn’t it?” I’ve never heard such a commotion in my life. “Just how many dogs do they have up here? Jeez!” The wind had started to blow hard and here we were standing in the driveway of this house on a hilltop with a cacophony of barking dogs. “Uh – do you see the owners” “Uh – what?” “DO YOU SEE THE OWNERS?!? – the owners – the owners!” The wind was blowing so hard and the dogs barking so loud, we practically had to yell at each other to be heard. “Okay, there they are.” “Hello” “Hi–hello - what?” “Puppies?” “Puppies – okay – alright – over here – watch out for that one! – don’t step on that - okay” Holy smokes – what are we doing here. Who thought of this?

“Well look at them!” “Ah, aren’t they cute!” “Look at that one, look at him, look at him!” “This is Farley!” Diana had spotted “that One” or “the One.” This keeps going on and on, the wind is blowing, there are adult dogs running all over the place, barking and barking, kids running around screaming - I’m starting to get queasy. Suddenly I notice something unexpected: none of these puppies have tails. No tails, nada, none. The owner is standing there and I said: “Hey, none of these dogs have tails!” She said: “Right – they’ve been ‘bobbed’.” “Bobbed? Dogs should have tails. I want a dog with a tail.” After that I gave Diana the Eye, meaning: I want to talk to you – in private – now. I took Diana and Craig over to the car, dogs are barking everywhere. I said: “Hey, you know if you want we can go right now. There will be other dogs. These dogs have no tails! Don’t we want a dog with a tail?” Well the response from Diana and Craig was: “No, no, no – we’re not going – we’re getting one!” “Okay, okay, okay” – did I say okay?

Well that was that. There he is. Look at him, he’s awesome! He was the overactive one, the one who was running and jumping over all the other puppies. Here we go! As we left Prescott we drove down the highway. We were finally leaving. We had our dog. The day started to look pretty again. About that time our puppy, who was to become Rudy [sorry Craig], let out a long and forlorn howl as if he was saying: “I’m a gonner. It’s over. Where are my brothers and sisters and parents? I want to go home.” He went on and on singing his sad song of goodbye.

We arrived home in one piece and we were glad for it. Everything was going okay, until night. I had bought a kennel for the puppy thinking that it would be a good way to keep him at first. I found out different. As we were going to bed I put Rudy in the kennel and found out shortly that he really didn’t think he wanted to be in the kennel. A series of trashing, barking, yelping, groaning and crying broke out in such loud uproar that I became convinced that perhaps now, tonight only, it might not be the right time to kennel him. I soon found out that there would be no time that Rudy would be kenneled. The second time he threw such a fit that the kennel came off the ground and I thought he was going to blast himself right through the door.

It soon became apparent that Rudy really wasn’t going to be trained at all. Sure we had the book: Puppies for Dummies and we thought pretty highly of our “dog abilities” but we discovered that we didn’t know jack about what we were doing. We began stepping on pottie and pee and using the word: outside. “No – don’t do that” became our mantra. Rudy began chewing on everything in sight including chalking in the bathrooms and electrical cords. The house took on the form of a bunker. Wire and grating become our décor: “Sorry. Can’t use the dining room table. It’s all wired up.” “Please just step over those barriers to get into the living room and watch the poop.”

Rudy is fine as long as everything is in its place. As Rudy got older we found out that there are “issues” with sounds and people. First, any sound other than the sound of our voices and the sound of food being opening is either a 3 or 4 alarm fire. For Rudy the only way to sound the alarm is full. Also people, any people that are not registered in Rudy’s book of okay people are intruders that must be barked and growled at. Once a person enters Rudy’s book of okay people, then the correct greeting for them is first barking at them, then jumping and peeing on them. According to Rudy kids are basically not okay, therefore nipping at their faces is correct behavior. We are also grateful to Rudy that he has pointed out to us that anyone on a skateboard, bicycle or motorcycle is an incarnation of the devil and should be either devoured or chased out of town.

We found that taking Rudy to a public place like Petsmart can take several days planning. Insurance policies must be checked regarding possible liabilities that could arise due to an animal riot and any collateral damage. On occasion there were discussions about the possibility of putting Rudy in the Petshotel at Petsmart, but visions of the complete destruction of a store has prevented us from proceeding.

We consider Rudy to be “show quality.” One of his favorite shows is called the “gorilla act.” This is a daily show he puts on to protect our property from our neighbor’s dogs that include a great dane. Whenever he sees them next to our fence, he puts on his gorilla act that includes positioning his body in the stance of male gorilla, growling, barking and shaking his head from side to side as if he’s ripping its entrails out. It’s a frightening sight and enough to convice me that he’s ready for Hollywood. If we could get him to do this act on command we’d be rich.

As Rudy has matured to the age of 4 now one of his favorite activities is to go boating. Of course in his opinion, everyone at the lake is bad and he is sure to let them know that. Recently two Sheriff’s officers were assisting me after Rudy had locked himself in our truck. The truck was on the ramp at dusk with the boat in the water, Rudy had stepped on the automatic lock and I had left the keys in the ignition. Approximately 8 people were involved in the rescue that took over an hour. Rudy was efficient in letting each person know that they were bad people for helping us. “Isn’t he a sweet dog!” Snarl!

We are pleased with our success in raising Rudy, he is fully house-trained now. All of the wiring and barriers have been removed from our house and we can sit at our dining room table again. We expect Rudy to continue to mellow with age and fully expect that we will be able to control him by age 15.

For anyone that desires a dog that is relaxed, mellow and good with people we suggest that you talk to the pet store for advice. For anyone considering getting a Australian Shepherd we suggest that you live on a farm, far away from people. You should have lots of animals that need herding and you will need to develop a check in, check out system for people so that your shepherd can enter them in his “book.” Also, keep a large number of tennis balls on hand.